"Here's the thing, I've already gone crazy once. I know what my limits are."

feels to me like i'm always waiting. waiting for this or that or some other thing to happen. it's all just a game. i've been waiting for december for such a long time...and now that i'm in the middle of it, it appears that i'll be waiting for february until everything is okay and i can breathe again. i lived my life this way before... it landed me i the hospital and on medications for years. i know that i'm too close to the line and am having to retreat. i'm having to *not care* and just live my life, rather than waiting to be able to breathe again. it takes courage & it takes discipline & it takes going against my very will, embedded deep down in my core.

yep, i gotta model through it...