sometimes, ya gotta model through it

In now way whatsoever am I a Tyra Banks fan. I do, however, fully thank her for saving my life via her belief that no matter what happens in life, sometimes you just have to "model through" it.

Staring at the brink of 32 years old, I never imagined that my life would be this way. I think it was possibly my deepest fear. It kept me up at night, planning how to live a life without debt, anxiety and sometimes pure, unadulterated insanity. But here I am, stuck in everything I had feared I would find. With all of the worrying I did back then, I didn't pay attention to the fact that I was already starting out on the wrong foot.

Randomness: I also worried night and day that I was a lesbian. Guess what - I am. It's great, probably one of the only things that I don't have to worry about.

So here are the facts:

I am so full of anxiety that I find it amazing that I can actually function.

I am stuck with a house that is worth half what I owe on it. I cannot get any help because -

My credit sucks.
I've never been a patient person but my semi-girlfriend has turned me into one of the most patient people that you'll ever meet.
There are, of course, more facts that will seep out along the way. I can't unload it all on you all at once!

Anyhow, I keep going, day after day, modeling through, trying to figure out ways to fix the problems in my life. This blog will at times be depressing, or sad, or funny, and at the moment - it may not have much direction. But give me a little time and I'll figure out what I'm doing-what my message is-and maybe, who I am.